It's a reason, not an excuse

I was never very good at making decisions, partly because I'd always say something and internally cringe a bit to see the reaction of the other people around me. When I was growing up, I figured this: most things that were handed to me as a decision to be made were things I was supposed to make my parents happy about.

Example; I'm asked what elective I want to take my freshman year in high school. My choices are Geography, Choir, and Art. To make my dad happy I pick Geography.

Example; I'm starting to be interested in girls in high school. I ask out the WASPy blonde instead of the cute Jewish girl and end up having a horrible time.

Example; I'm applying for colleges. I apply to UConn just to make my dad happy instead of applying to just the few schools I'm interested in.

Fast-forward to me as an adult after years of that, after months of therapy. I am still making bad decisions; decisions to appease others, not decisions that I want. I also have a hard time figuring out what I want. Part of me still wants 2.5 kids and a house just to appear "normal".

But there is a part of me that realizes the "tribe" approach is a lot more like what I want.